There are certain tendencies, habits and thought processes that one seems to become very accustomed to once they have been in a any given industry for a period of time. Exactly one year ago I decided to uproot my entire life and became a yacht stewardess. Little did I know what I was in for. I have compiled a list that, to me, allows me to believe that I have truly embodied this role of yacht stew. (At least I tell myself that so as to not feel completely insane.)
Maybe you can relate. If so, I hope you enjoy this compilation of -isms, phobias and what anyone outside of the yachting world may call a full blown disorder.
You know you have embodied a Yacht Stewardess when:
The highlight of your day is actually finding a fingerprint… And whipping it clean… At least 10 times over.
The terms “day-head” and “galley” are no longer equally interchangeable with bathroom and kitchen.
Dry shampoo and coconut oil become your best friends.
You are covered in bruises from head to toe… And didn’t even know they were there, never mind where they came from.
That slight tendency towards OCD has gone full blown diagnosis… And it’s a good thing. In fact, you are excited to put it on your CV.
You always look perfectly proper and put together… Except for when you are underway, then it’s sheets to the wind.
You truly appreciate every single moment in the sun.
You get out of the shower and relish in leaving the walls wet… Yet simply cannot stop yourself from putting a squeegee to the glass door.
You have absolutely NO idea what day of the week it is… And really don’t care.
Exhausted. So. Damn. Tired. But would never know it! *insert caffeine fueled smile and overly wide eyes*
You find yourself sacrificing parts of your body in order to prevent another ding or scratch in the boat… Then realize you may have found the answer to #4.
You love folding napkins because it reminds you of your childhood origami practice… And then you fold 239872034802398 napkins… You H.A.T.E napkin folding.
You are forever scarred by that time it was 7am, you were perfectly manicured and made up, you were drying the guest’s shower nozzles and… SH*T… You just took another shower… This time fully clothed. You know it will happen again. For some reason you just can’t remember which way to NOT push the handle.
Q-tips and toothpicks. Forever. Everywhere. All the time.
You have a whole new respect for toothbrushes and their many uses.
IF for some reason the world began spinning backwards and you happened to place a knife down and it happened to have a HUGE fingerprint on it… Well if you didn’t actually pass out, you get legitimately embarrassed, practically run away with your head down and say 27 prayers to the sea gods that your guests doesn’t see it before placing it in his mouth.
Makeup? Are we on charter?
You become a master at getting ready in under 7 minutes. Of course to maximize your hours of rest.
It’s March and you are crossing. “I don’t drink coffee.”
It’s July in the Med, “Shhh, you don’t speak to me until this cup of coffee is gone.”
You find yourself doing really weird things, I mean weird… And thinking the most ridiculous things are absolutely hilarious… I blame it on the delirium.
You know how to dress, and undress, a fireman… Very quickly.
You’re so tired you feel drunk. Then you realize you have been sober for over a month. It’s been a month?! *Refer to #9
You catch yourself saying “Dolphins? Meh…” and then realize how ridiculous that sounds.
You remind yourself daily how lucky you are.
I’m sure this list will be an ongoing one. If you have anything you’d like to add, please send them my way!!