The topic of positivity has come up a lot for me lately. Many people consider me to be a positive person and all of the content that I share has a vibe of positivity to it. However, we MUST be clear about what exactly this ‘positivity’ is. I think there is a lot of confusion around this word and its pretenses as well as the pressure that it puts on society as a whole.

My messages do not emit positivity because I am positive all the time. That would be a lie and my transparency about my emotions in my social media content bears truth to what I am saying. You can see evidence of that on one of my Instagram posts. I was grateful for the flood of supportive comments that came rushing in AND they also really irked me. You can watch my response to all of the comments and the explanation behind my emotion in my IGTV for more context.

To get back to the topic of positivity:

The reason that I am perceived as positive is because of the simple fact that I operate from a base-line of Abundance.

Operating from an Abundance Mindset means that I don’t fear change, I am up for a challenge, I understand that there is enough of the good things in life to go around, and even when I am feeling low-vibrational I can see the learning opportunity in it.

This is VERY DIFFERENT than being falsely positive all the time!

Admittedly, when I see someone who acts overly and falsely positive all the time, it triggers me. I’d rather someone be real with me about their emotional experience and then see their positivity from a grounded place of abundance and curiosity.

I see how promoting false positivity creates an underlying societal belief that if you’re not feeling positive, then something is wrong with you.

It is important to bring awareness to how promoting positivity could hinder someone’s larger emotional experience. There is, without a doubt, an overall belief that lower vibrational feelings (such as grief, shame, sadness, and anger) are “bad” and that we must do something to “fix” these issues and be positive instead.

Of course, there is always an appropriate time and place to display these emotions, yet we cannot ignore them altogether. The only way through them is straight through them. Additionally, spending TOO much time down there can also be harmful.

We don’t want to get stuck lingering around in our story. We must shift into a space of curiosity to see what we can learn from the experience in order to use the story as fuel, rather than give it more power to feed our fears. The only way to make this shift, is to give each other and ourselves permission to feel our feelings, without the added pressure of guilt or shame.

What I’m saying here is that it is not healthy to put such grand pressure on people to always be positive all the time. It could be detrimental for people experiencing hardship and alienate people that are having a hard time seeing through the darkness. It could make that person feel ‘less-than’ or ‘broken,’ furthering the downward spiral of emotions.

It’s not you, darling, it’s me, Society.

When someone you love is feeling down, it is natural to want to help. However, YOUR discomfort with THIER sadness is not grounds to “fix” them.

The best way you can support a loved one who is feeling low-vibrational is to simply:

1.) Actively listen. This includes listening with all of your senses, not just your ears. Put down any distraction and wholly and compassionately hear what your loved one is trying to say.

2.) Don’t try to fix the situation. Your loved one is perfectly capable, strong and more amazing than even she/he may believe. Give them time to tune into their own intuition, feel their feelings, and solve their own problem. You both know they can do it, they just need time. Sitting together in silence can be uncomfortable for you and the MOST powerful tool to help them. If you want to be of service, now is the time to dig deep.

3.) Ask for permission. If you have some information that you feel could be valuable and helpful for your loved one, asking them permission to share is the NUMBER ONE KEY and HIGHLY IMPORTANT in the process of building trust and camaraderie. You shouldn’t expect that they are open to your input just as they shouldn’t expect you to help them. This is a mutual bond that goes both ways.

4.) Don’t rush it. Emotions come and go in waves. The waves of grief, for example, start out as tsunamis. They come fast, abruptly, and without warning and, at first, we drown in them. It takes time for these waves to slowly spread out between attacks and even more time for them to lower in size and quantity. Soon enough, your loved one will come up for some air to breathe and, eventually, they will be able to predict when the waves will come and they will know how to handle them to stay above the water. Until then, let them ride the waves without pressure to do anything else.

This larger conversation about the acceptance of our human experience and how actually, openly embracing lower vibrational emotions is helpful, healing, and in fact is exactly how we move towards *genuine* positivity from a grounded place.

Educating and empowering others on the Abundance Mindset has quickly and organically grown to become my life’s work. If you need help, clarification, or would like to discuss this topic further, please send me a private message or email me directly at info@chelseahainescoaching.com.

If you or a loved one is experiencing an emotional crisis, call 911 immediately or find your country on this WORLDWIDE FREE SUICIDE HOTLINE list:

http://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

In gratitude and abundance, Chelsea Haines